Rationalization or Hardness of Heart?

I had not thought starting out that daily journaling would provide some of the thoughts I would like to share on my blog. But then I'm not sure I thought about the content much at all - so that is fine. I had thought earlier of sharing my goals for the year (aka New Years Resolutions but without all the usual expectations of failure). Perhaps I still should. Making a public declaration kind of forces your hand...



Scripture: Mark 6:52
For they had not understood about the loaves, because their heart was hardened.

Observation:I am sure there are many things that cause our hearts to be hardened. The reference here is to one of Jesus’ miracles, this time feeding 5,000 men (plus women & children) with only 5 loaves and 2 fish. In verse 37 of this chapter after Jesus tells them “You give them something to eat.”, they respond in a way I can understand and relate to; “Are you serious?”. Of course I can relate, I mean if Jesus said that to me, how would I react – how do I react? Are there 5,000 homeless people in the Denver area? Almost certainly the number is significantly higher than that.

A friend wrote in her blog yesterday:

I am not a church building hater. Actually, I have always dreamed of a building packed with clothes. So many clothes that you have to sit on them just to fit in the sanctuary. A kitchen with a hot meal always ready, not a trendy coffee shop. A food pantry opened 24/7. Beds and showers for those who need it. I have held on to this vision for 18 years.

and

I have a vision where the CHURCH takes care of those in need instead of the government. I have a vision of children being able to break the cycle of poverty. I have the vision where if someone is cold, hungry or wet then believers will step in and provide. I have a vision where churches stop putting their money into planting more flowers or repaving their perfect parking lot and invest the money into people instead.




This is quite a challenge – and not just lofty words, this is a young woman who has been in the trenches serving God amongst the unloved and disenfranchised people in her community and further afield most of her life. I think I felt compelled to capture this because it illustrates the point not because it is my point.


My point is simply that doubting God, not trusting in Him hardens my heart.


It doesn’t really matter what God is asking me or anyone else to do. It might involve the homeless, it might be the poor, it might be orphans, it might be unreached people in a far away land or a thousand other things. If we doubt what He tells us to do, if we don’t trust Him to have our back on this then our heart becomes hardened. He not us is how these things that are so immense, so overpowering, so much bigger than ourselves can get done, but do we really believe that – do I really believe that?


I see this in myself and others – I just never recognized it as hardness of heart. I think the preferred term is rationalization…

Application:I feel a burden for the poor or homeless. I don’t know why that gets me more than anything else but I’m pretty sure it is something God has put in me, not just white suburban middle class guilt. So the question is then how will this make a difference in my life? For me I think it must be to figure out exactly what this burden means – it has to mean something more tangible than doing the odd small thing here and there – things that are well within myself and MY capability to accomplish. What should I be doing that I need to rely on God to accomplish?

Prayer:Lord, at the risk of being told something I am not comfortable with, I want to open my heart to You to know more clearly what it is that You want me to be doing. And with that, the strength and courage to trust in You and pursue it.


P.S.
To be clear and ensure no one who recognizes the photo above thinks it is a message about Jesus with no tangible evidence to back it up, this is the Denver Rescue Mission - a group of people with an incredible ministry to the poor and homeless.
Denver Rescue Mission

Twenty Years On...

I was amused and challenged re-reading the blog of a young friend Adam Ludwig this past week. He said in the first of 3 posts in March last year:

“i feel as though there isn't much male influence in this world of blogging. i might find out why soon.”

As there are only 2 or 3 other male authored blogs I have followed (and I use the word “followed” loosely), and one of those has not been active since 2007, I am starting to think he might be onto something. So after my initial efforts, no doubt associated with being on vacation and having time on my hands, I am with this post at least breaking the 3 blog barrier. And while they probably won’t read this – Ron and Adam – you really should resume writing…

Anyway all of that has very little to do with the title and so having no doubt broken many of the rules of writing, I will get back to that.

This past week marked the 20th anniversary of my moving to Denver. In some ways that seems like a long time ago and although it probably sounds cliché, in some ways it seems like it was only yesterday. Mostly however, it seems a long time ago. When my boss at the time asked me in August of the previous year to think about the possibility of taking the assignment, to be honest I was not overly enthusiastic.

I know it must have seemed like the opportunity of a lifetime to a young man of 24. I don’t really know whether when asked what I thought about it my boss was surprised or pleased when I responded that I would give it some thought during my imminent month long visit to the Denver office. I always liked to assume he was pleased that if I was going to manage his business in Denver that I didn’t rush into things just because it might have sounded exciting, but that more than likely would be giving myself too much credit. The hesitation was real as I was firstly rather surprised by this last minute revelation just before my first trip to visit Denver, and as I mentioned above, it just was not something I had any desire or interest to do. It wasn’t that I had a negative opinion of the idea, I just had never thought of such a possibility. And besides, my life in Australia was just great at that point.

Probably a good thing I asked God what He thought and through the sermon at some out of the way church I stumbled upon (was led too is no doubt more accurate) at the end of that first visit to Denver, I felt clearly that I was to take the position if it was officially offered to me. And so with a handshake agreement, no real idea what I would be paid or any of the other normal considerations, except a commitment to stay in Denver at least 18 months, the adventure began.

Probably broke another rule of writing in not making clear at outset that this was going to be a series. That wasn’t my original intent, in fact in the original draft, I was excusing the 6 year spell of this past 20 years spent in Australia as I feared how long this might get. Those fears were well founded so this will be installment 1 of I really don’t know how many.

to be continued…