Do you want fries with that…

About 8 years ago I was getting a little frustrated with our financial advisor (not the good one we have now – Todd Lansing at 40 West Financial) who seemed perplexed that we were planning to pay for our children's college education - or at least as much of that as we could afford.  In exasperation I responded after the 3rd or 4th probing into why would we want to delay our own retirement by doing this and I responded with...

"There's something about 'Do you want fries with that?' that I just don't want to hear from my kids mouths when they are 25."

Now there is nothing wrong with working in a fast food joint, giant retail stores, cleaning offices or hotel rooms, or any number of other low paying, and so called low skilled jobs.  These jobs exist because we need them to be done.  We call them low skill – but the truth is even with training, some of us with higher paying jobs would not be very good at them.  But the powerful info-graphic accessible from the link below shows the growing and often to many insurmountable problem we are running into in the United States.

Do You Want Fries With That?

We have a large group of people in the USA – mostly people who have somehow gained the benefit of some opportunity and more often than not, hard work, who think anyone who does not have what they have simply doesn’t deserve it for any number of reasons.  Most commonly I perceive that in their opinion these people who have “less” do so simple because they don’t work hard enough for it.  What a complete and utter pile of BS.  My wife makes less than a third of what I do, and she works every bit as hard.  Many of the parents of children in her school both work, both harder than she or I do holding down two or three jobs paying minimum wage or close to it, most not providing a full 40 hours and often no benefits, and all that just to maybe get paid what my wife alone does. 

Looking at the info-graphic we see for example that the average wage earned in the Accommodation and Food Services sector was in 2014 some $20,495.  This is the AVERAGE mind you – with almost two thirds of those working in this sector making less than twenty thousand a year.  Twenty thousand you say – well these are entry level jobs – they are for teenagers and such – they ought to be happy to gain the experience working so they can move up… except the average age of these people making on average $20K a year (the majority something less) is almost 33 years old.  I was married with two children when I was 33 years old!  I do hope for their sake that their big break into something better comes soon!!!

But that’s the problem – the something better jobs are harder and harder to find.  Even with the college degrees (one down, one in progress) there are no guarantees anymore.  Sure – you could maybe do better in the Retail Trade sector – they average just over $30K a year, although nearly half are still not even making $20K.  But these two sectors dominate the new jobs created – the ones our politicians and president like to crow about.  As someone was quoted during a previous administration that liked to brag on the job growth – “Yeah – I believe there have been so many new jobs created – I’ve had several of them!”

So we keep refusing to pay people a so called “living wage”.  What is that anyway – I guess I like to think of it as what the US fought so hard to get away from – or did it?  Heck we have debtors prisons and at less than $20K a year – indentured servant-hood might look good to many.  Here in Colorado, the average cost of a two bedroom apartment requires a 40 hours a week job paying nearly $20/hr to pay the rent and be considered affordable (affordable defined as no more than 30% of income).  This is almost the same as the national average.  Thank goodness some 22 “states” (of 52 including DC and Puerto Rico) require on average less that the $15/hr we fight so hard for and against.  Not much less generally – only two are less than $13/hr – and one of those is poverty stricken and near bankrupt Puerto Rico.  To put it a different way, to afford the average rent on a two bedroom apartment in all states at the prevailing minimum wage in that state you simply can’t get there at 40 hours a week.  In fact – you can’t even do it with one and a half jobs – unless again, you live in Puerto Rico.  In only 16 of the 52 “states” can you affordably rent an average two bedroom apartment with less than 2 full time minimum wage jobs.

You can check out the housing affordability at a web site published by the National Low Income Housing Coalition at:

Out of Reach 2015

What embarrasses me tremendously as a follower of Jesus is the damning picture painted in a particular graphic from the report on the Out of Reach site.  It shows the number of hours work per week at prevailing minimum wage for an average apartment to be affordable – and it highlights the states (*) where the prevailing minimum is higher than the federally mandated minimum (a generous according to some $7.25 per hour).  With a few exceptions, the states that have not mandated a minimum wage higher than the federal minimum are “the bible belt”.  Well done “Christians” in looking out for "the least of these".

Source: http://nlihc.org/oor

From a Father of Girls - International Women’s Day 2015

A good friend of mine who writes both better and more than I do to a much wider audience decided that something she said a few years ago on this subject was worth recycling.  And she was right – you should read it now – even if you happened to have read it two years ago.

10 reasons i am an advocate for women’s equality (Kathy Escobar)

So I figured if recycling is good enough for Kathy, well it certainly works for me.  I’ve written from time to time about the struggles and triumphs of my daughters in various ways, but two posts came to mind that seemed fitting in some way to mark International Women’s Day..

The first was written some three years ago now:

Permission to Date My Daughter...

A couple of points I’d like to emphasize with reflection after the passing of some years.
 

"I am proud of the young women my daughters are becoming.  They are largely confident in who they are and generally are not afraid to be who they are.  Their strength of character humbles me.  This has been true of my eldest for a good many years, but the younger quieter one is starting to blossom and the same strength of character is evident.  And of course I am biased but they are not just beautiful people in who they are; they are attractively beautiful as well."

Too right I’m proud – they continue to amaze me with their drive, their strength and poise, and their positive impact on others, to mention just a few of their quality character traits.  Our little one especially continues to grow in confidence and strength and indeed has found her own voice – something we hoped for and are glad of.  What a difference three years has made!  But more than that…

"At the end of the day, my daughters have to be responsible for their own choices and I want them to feel like they are free to make whatever choices seem right to them.  I can’t lock them away and guard the door with a gun – and I won’t.  Nor can I hover over them physically at all times to protect them from harm.  I want them to be women of integrity and character.  I want them to be strong enough in them own beliefs and convictions to stand up, make a difference in this world, and be noticed and valued for who they are and what they do, not just what they look like."

This to me – at least as the father of girls in part embodies what a day commemorating women is about – that they, just like men, that all of us really – would be noticed and valued for who they are and what they do, not just what they look like.

Somewhere around this same commemoration last year I somewhat coincidentally wrote a post:

We All Should be Feminists...

I think looking back at the evolution of that post, it started our almost coming from the quote in my much older post above – the continuing saga of girls needing to be something other than they are because boys and men can’t control themselves if they don’t cover themselves up.  And the worst of some of this nonsense comes from the church.  To borrow from Kathy’s post linked above as to why she is pro-woman, pro-equality, pro-liberation-of-half-the-population: 

“i think Jesus was.  every interaction Jesus had with women was to set them free and lift their burdens of bondage.  and he said we were supposed to be like him.  i don’t know why the church built on his name has done the exact opposite; it still baffles me.”

Yep – I really don’t know why either – and all I can say is I’m sorry – if we as a church put half the effort into looking after those who need help - the hungry, the poor, the abused, the enslaved, the marginalized – as we do into worrying about nonsense like leggings and swimsuits – what a wonderful world it could be.

But I’d like to circle back on a couple of quotes in that post from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, an amazing woman I heard speaking on the radio – I can’t add much to them but I think they are worth reflecting on and in a way, they kind of build from some of my thoughts in the older post.

“We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs, or for accomplishments — which I think can be a good thing — but for the attention of men.”, and

“Now, marriage can be a good thing. It can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?”

I still wonder as I did a year ago, whether if this were not the case, and it very much is that we do not teach boys to aspire to marriage, whether the failure rate of marriage would be much lower?  Perhaps more than that – would the value that comes with that lead to less violence against women and less abusive relationships, whether marriage is involved or not.

So circling back to my little one in particular as she has become an accomplished athlete and may choose to go on to play at college level yet has the maturity to not let that define her.  Really the spirit of this quote from Mia Hamm can apply so much more broadly to successful endeavor in any area of passion, and so to both my girls I close with

“Somewhere behind the athlete you've become and the hours of practice and the coaches who have pushed you is a little girl who fell in love with the game and never looked back... play for her.”

~ Mia Hamm

Children of a Lesser God

Increasingly I find that more and more of my friends are not like me.  This I think is a good thing.  I’ve learned a lot.  I’ve learned to let go of the certainty of my own opinions.  More simply – I’ve learned to listen.  I could say perhaps that listening leads to understanding… not so.  I mean – not listening obviously will benefit you not one bit when it comes to understanding where others are coming from, but to be honest, the more I really listen – the more I realize I have absolutely no idea what other people go through, or as a result, how they feel in response to certain situations and events.

Take the news one morning this week.  A tech piece covered Apple I think it was who will be providing an expanded and more inclusive (presumably) range of either Avatars or Emoji’s – or maybe both – I couldn’t tell you the difference.  Anyway, Apple apparently is updating something on their devices or such (again – I wouldn’t know – I don’t really own an iAnything) to allow you to use an Emoji that is more like you – various shades of color skin and presumably hair (or even no hair perhaps), no doubt other distinguishing features.  Never occurred to me this would be important to some people – why would it – I’m a straight white male, married, two kids, two dogs and a house in the burbs.  Well – that and as I said – I don’t have an iAnything…

A little superficial perhaps?  How about this then.  A friend, more specifically and to use a label (and I’m not big on those), a transgender friend shared something this week that really rocked me.  The article he shared was not that surprising, not anymore, which is sad in itself.  But it was his introduction to the article from the Huffington Post that really got to me…

“My name could be on this list.  One misstep, one person poorly trusted, one really bad day and…”

Stop Letting Trans People Die

This is messed up – I mean living with that shadow always kind of there – trying to get on with life like it isn’t – and yet it is.  I have absolutely no idea what that could possibly feel like – and I’m sorry – no amount of listening will get you there – not all the way.  This is not abstract to him – it is very real.  But listening does do something he pleaded for – it increases my awareness – and perhaps by my sharing this, yours also.

And then last week, there was a similar gut-wrenching story, again – the story itself, sadly – no longer surprising.  This sort of inhumanity – this appalling notion that we can treat other humans like they are somehow less than – that they perhaps are some sort of cosmic mistake – to use the title of this post, children of a lesser god.

Call it what you will – but hatred – whether it be based on race or ethnicity, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, disability, your incapacity to be anything but a homeless person begging to get by, your so called immigrant status, whether that be here in a country we stole much of from those we dare to call illegals – or the inhumane internment and other treatment of refugees in my native Australia - basically hatred of someone for not being like you is NOT ACCEPTABLE.  It cannot and should not be tolerated!  And I’m not sorry if this offends you – but if that sort of hatred is part of your nature – you better think twice before judging the guys in black outfits performing all sorts of atrocities driven by the same sort of twisted hatred in the Middle East right now – you are in my eyes, not so different to them.

Last weeks story concerned the refusal of a pediatrician to treat a newborn because the parents were a same sex couple.  I don’t swear all that much, but really – how F***ed up is that???  And yet, especially in America – not that surprising.  I mean – when wearing leggings is questionable moral behavior and certainly a call to judgment should you be the self-righteous and judgmental type – then we should of course be nor surprised to see discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation different to our own… 

What got me deep down however was that my friend Kimberly has to deal with this sort of fear in a lot of day to day situations.  Not surprisingly, one of the most agonizing being the question of whether her being transparent and open about her own sexual orientation could result in denial of care to her children in a moment of need.  That fear that I could not help my children – now that I can relate to – but not because I might tell a doctor for example, I was a follower of Jesus.  Get me lost somewhere in Syria and maybe that would be a problem – maybe – no screw maybe – probably for sure I would then like Kimberly deal with some amount of self-loathing for denying who I am to protect the welfare and wellbeing of my children - even if my denial was only to the extent I was not fully open and fully honest – you know – just hiding it a little.  But that situation is so far from any reality I can imagine – I just can’t fully comprehend how that must feel for so many people I know.  And again – before last week – the fear of such discrimination – not the discrimination itself, was something I would never have even imagined, much less comprehended.

The article Kimberly shared was from a local Fox station.

Doctor refuses treatment of same-sex couple's baby

This is not some apology or epiphany on white male privilege.  Far from it – it is someone with that privilege saying this is not OK.  I don’t really know what it feels like for my friend who is transgender, or my many friends who are gay, or any other number of friends who fall into categories subject to hatred and discrimination.  But I can continue to listen to their stories – and I can say as I stand with them - this is NOT OK.

"To the Lakota, to the Indian, when you listen, you're praying. That's a form of prayer, when you listen."

- Russell Means

We All Should be Feminists.

Epilogue/Prologue:

Here’s the thing – this only tangible linkage between this post and International Women’s Day is that the NPR piece that got me thinking MAY have been on air yesterday in some may marking this day.  

What I would note is the commemorative aspects of the day in and of themselves were unremarkable to me, other than the Google doodle.  What is interesting in the post analysis of this, and recognizing this in some way may contribute to discussions around the theme of International Women’s Day (this prologue being added to the original post a few hours later), is that some of the material I’m recommending you listen to in this blog now hits home harder on the subject of my and male generally blindness in some ways, or simply inability to see in others, how different certain things are for women than they are for me.

My mind went off on an odd tangent (as it is slightly prone to) the other day discussing a critique of another of the “Modest is Hottest” campaigns with a friend.

My concern shifted from worrying whether or not males could control themselves or harming girls outlook by leading them to believe they are sexual object that must be covered.  Because at the root of it all, the message is still about “being hot” – just doing it one way versus another.  In other words, what is still important here is wanting to be sought after by boys/men.

“We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs, or for accomplishments — which I think can be a good thing — but for the attention of men.” - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

So I guess what prompted me to write this morning and more than anything I could say was to draw your attention to a recent TED speech by this incredible lady.

We should all be feminists: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

I was drawn to find out more about this woman and her amazing story listening to an NPR interview yesterday.  You might want to check that out too – it explores quite different themes, but also well worth the half hour of your life.

Americanah' Author Explains 'Learning' To Be Black In The U.S.

As an interesting aside, one of the starts from the acclaimed movie “12 Years a Slave” will also star in the movie production of another book by Adichie, “Half of a Yellow Sun”.

To wrap up what will be a short post – for me anyway, another thought provoked by this speech.

“Now, marriage can be a good thing. It can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?”

One wonders whether if this were not the case, and it very much is, whether the failure rate of marriage would be much lower?  No deep answers – just a question.  Enjoy your day…

 

Imago Dei - Image of God

This post is the result of the collision of several different trains of thought. 

I have been posting on various days as we have moved from Thanksgiving to Christmas, art in various forms as my “hymn” for the day.  For, Christmas Eve, I had in mind to share a clip from one of our traditional family Christmas movies, The Family Stone.  Simple right…

But this whole thing this past week over Duck Dynasty, and extending back maybe a little further, the debate on whether or not Santa and even Jesus is white, it has been frankly, a little irritating.  And I say this carefully.  There are many people I know well who are quite incensed at what was said initially by Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson.  This to them is very personal, and they have every right to be upset.  I am not irritated because they are upset, or even because others are jumping to his defense.  What irritates me is that much of the conversation is diatribes from both sides, doing little by creating more fires of hatred, fanned on by a sickening media hungry for controversy.  We have lost it seems the necessary grace and patience for civil discourse – we are not interested in discovering the position of others because we are to firmly entrenched in our own.

And then the morning of Christmas eve in the gym, I find myself watching a piece on the remarkable transformation in the papacy.  Video and images of Pope Francis doing and saying things that are not only shaking up the church he leads, but getting people across the Christian faith to take a good look at themselves through the prism of what the bible says about what we should be like as followers of Jesus.  I’m no expert on other faiths, but I suspect he has earned quite a bit of respect and has unleashed some soul searching there also.

And as they showed again, images of the pope embracing a man terribly disfigured by what I don’t know, it occurred to me…

Imago Dei - Image of God

The creation story in the Christian bible, probably quite similar in the Jewish Torah instructs us that God made us in the image of God, that we reflect the nature of God, even that we are godlike.  The problem is, we don’t really believe this, not about ourselves much of the time, and certainly not about those who are radically different to us, who do not look like us, do not think like us, or do things we find unspeakable horrors…

As a good friend of mine, Nar Martinez has said, “If the God you serve is always for everything you like and against all the things you hate, you've simply made him up.”

 

Imago Dei – Phil Robertson was made in the image of God, before and after he apologized for the hurtful, but deeply held personal beliefs he shared

Imago Dei – Syrian refugees, not just white Christians were made in the image of God

 

 

Imago Dei – Regardless of how we were coming into this world, or have become, we were made and remain in the image of God

 

 

Imago Dei – Megyn Kelly and all who have had fun publically mocking her for the silly things she said – yes – all of them – made in the image of God

 

 

Imago Dei – the least amongst us, and those who are unaware of them – again, made in the image of God

 

 

Imago Dei – these three boys, now facing murder charges for killing an Australian baseball player “for the fun of it” – also made in the image of God

 

We want God to be just like us, well mostly anyway.  But God is not so limited.  Most simply as I see it, all of us are like God – if not, God is not like us at all?  God is so immense, it takes all of creation, and all of humanity as the jewel of that creation to gain just a hint of what God is like.

And so back to The Family Stone, and why it had particular significance as my mind wandered this Christmas.  The Dinner scene as it is described on the DVD and generally can be found in searches holds for me a pretty darn good image of why God decided to intervene in such an extravagant way as unfolded that first Christmas.  And it also contrasts in the same character, our human limitations.  I am not tech savvy enough to extract a more focused segment, but the whole five minutes is worth the watching to understand the whole story and probably makes more sense anyway. 

After the stiff, starchy and quite conservative Meredith (Sarah Jessica Parker) fumbles around and through what I perceive as ignorance and insensitivity (as opposed to hate) insults and belittles gay people in particular, but also black people, Sybil (Diane Keaton), the matriarch of the family says and signs to her deeply hurt deaf and gay son, “I love you”.

Dinner Scene - The Family Stone

 

God’s love for us is not predicated on whether we are black or white, male or female, adherents of the Christian, Muslim or any other faith, gay – straight – lesbian - bi-sexual or transgendered, powerful and privileged or poor and marginalized.  We were created in the image and likeness of God, and yet right from the outset, different, yet no indication of inequality.  And so that is my takeaway, and I hope also perhaps one of yours this Christmas – that God Loves You.  And if God loves you, as Pope Francis shared insightfully and wisely this year, “who am I to judge”.

 

Genesis 1:26-28, The Message (emphasis mine)

God spoke: “Let us make human beings in our image, make them

        reflecting our nature

    So they can be responsible for the fish in the sea,

        the birds in the air, the cattle,

    And, yes, Earth itself,

        and every animal that moves on the face of Earth.”

    God created human beings;

        he created them godlike,

    Reflecting God’s nature.

        He created them male and female.