Rationalization or Hardness of Heart?

I had not thought starting out that daily journaling would provide some of the thoughts I would like to share on my blog. But then I'm not sure I thought about the content much at all - so that is fine. I had thought earlier of sharing my goals for the year (aka New Years Resolutions but without all the usual expectations of failure). Perhaps I still should. Making a public declaration kind of forces your hand...



Scripture: Mark 6:52
For they had not understood about the loaves, because their heart was hardened.

Observation:I am sure there are many things that cause our hearts to be hardened. The reference here is to one of Jesus’ miracles, this time feeding 5,000 men (plus women & children) with only 5 loaves and 2 fish. In verse 37 of this chapter after Jesus tells them “You give them something to eat.”, they respond in a way I can understand and relate to; “Are you serious?”. Of course I can relate, I mean if Jesus said that to me, how would I react – how do I react? Are there 5,000 homeless people in the Denver area? Almost certainly the number is significantly higher than that.

A friend wrote in her blog yesterday:

I am not a church building hater. Actually, I have always dreamed of a building packed with clothes. So many clothes that you have to sit on them just to fit in the sanctuary. A kitchen with a hot meal always ready, not a trendy coffee shop. A food pantry opened 24/7. Beds and showers for those who need it. I have held on to this vision for 18 years.

and

I have a vision where the CHURCH takes care of those in need instead of the government. I have a vision of children being able to break the cycle of poverty. I have the vision where if someone is cold, hungry or wet then believers will step in and provide. I have a vision where churches stop putting their money into planting more flowers or repaving their perfect parking lot and invest the money into people instead.




This is quite a challenge – and not just lofty words, this is a young woman who has been in the trenches serving God amongst the unloved and disenfranchised people in her community and further afield most of her life. I think I felt compelled to capture this because it illustrates the point not because it is my point.


My point is simply that doubting God, not trusting in Him hardens my heart.


It doesn’t really matter what God is asking me or anyone else to do. It might involve the homeless, it might be the poor, it might be orphans, it might be unreached people in a far away land or a thousand other things. If we doubt what He tells us to do, if we don’t trust Him to have our back on this then our heart becomes hardened. He not us is how these things that are so immense, so overpowering, so much bigger than ourselves can get done, but do we really believe that – do I really believe that?


I see this in myself and others – I just never recognized it as hardness of heart. I think the preferred term is rationalization…

Application:I feel a burden for the poor or homeless. I don’t know why that gets me more than anything else but I’m pretty sure it is something God has put in me, not just white suburban middle class guilt. So the question is then how will this make a difference in my life? For me I think it must be to figure out exactly what this burden means – it has to mean something more tangible than doing the odd small thing here and there – things that are well within myself and MY capability to accomplish. What should I be doing that I need to rely on God to accomplish?

Prayer:Lord, at the risk of being told something I am not comfortable with, I want to open my heart to You to know more clearly what it is that You want me to be doing. And with that, the strength and courage to trust in You and pursue it.


P.S.
To be clear and ensure no one who recognizes the photo above thinks it is a message about Jesus with no tangible evidence to back it up, this is the Denver Rescue Mission - a group of people with an incredible ministry to the poor and homeless.
Denver Rescue Mission

God Meeting Our Needs Is A Blessing

Scripture: Leviticus 26:3-4
“If you walk in my statutes and keep My commandments, and perform them, then I will give you rain in its season, the land shall yield its produce, and the trees of the field shall yield their fruit.

Observation:
It would be easy to package these verses up and claim that doing what God commands and following His rules will result in blessing. And that would be true, however I think sometimes we equate blessing with something extra – something special – something perhaps more than we deserve. What jumps out at me from this passage is that we will indeed receive a blessing. God meeting our needs is a blessing.

This can play out in several ways as described in following verses; “Your threshing shall last till the time of vintage…”; “I will give peace in the land”; “make you fruitful, multiply you”; “My soul shall not abhor you” (forgiveness); and perhaps most importantly, “I will walk among you”.

This is not “name it and claim it”, just God wanting us to be whole, and many of these blessings are not material things at all.

Action/Prayer:
Lord, help me firstly to follow you – to obey you. Lord in this fallen world, many do not have all they need, and yet you have blessed me already with more than I need which is certainly more than I deserve. Help me to be thankful for what I have, and not to waste my time or desires on something more. Rather help me to share that blessing with others in need – especially those who need to know what it is like to walk with you.

Part 3 - Friends for Life or "BFF"

I mentioned our retreat at Winter Park in my last post. Ron Widdifield was an elder at Believers and he and his wife Pat were the adult supervision for the weekend. As it was a church group retreat, there needed to be some spirituality so Ron had a short time sharing some of his life learnings with us. He said something that I think is profound in that it’s truth has been evident ever since. It was in my words something along the lines of,

“These times and the strong friendships you build in your 20’s are so very important as these perhaps more than any others will be some of the closest friends throughout your life”

Not only have these words stuck with me for nearly 20 years, so too have many of the friends I made during those years. Living in many different places from that time to now has led to amazing opportunities to make new friends. It also adds the challenge of keeping up with them as you move on. Some stay closer than others for a bunch of different reasons. I think how much time you invest in one another has a fair bit to do with it, and that can happen in a short span of time. That doesn’t make some of those you feel like you have drifted away from less significant. Geography can have a lot to do with it. We also move through different phases of life – right now we are in the surviving teenagers phase – well it’s not all that bad. And then there is time…

I mentioned Todd Lansing in my last post. Todd and I were part of a group of guys who met weekly to share a meal, what God was teaching us and what was going on in our lives so as to hold each other accountable. Dennis Farmer who I also mentioned was in that group. You have to be committed to growing as a Godly man to be in a setting like that with your father in law! We also played basketball together, sometimes pick-up games and for one season with others I mentioned, Frank Muehlbauer and Jim Tisdall and other guys they knew. We went camping with the extended Farmer family where fishing and trail bike riding filled days in remote parts of the Rockies. I mentioned skiing and we also had some seasons of mixed volleyball with others from church. I mentioned a cute girl before – she also played volleyball, although I do remember her little sister Jenny was quite a good player – she could jump higher than I could, and she’s not even 5 feet tall! Todd was the obvious choice to be my best man when the time came for that.

It’s funny the snapshots you remember before you start a deeper relationship with someone. There was the baseball episode I mentioned last post. I remember a rather animated and very loud game of Taboo at the Winter Park retreat. I remember her looking quite stunning, complete with a hat at her brother, Jason’s wedding. There was volleyball of course, and then the time she stole (she might use the word relocated) my motorbike. I think a defining moment however was a long conversation we had at a young adults get together at Frank Muehlbauer’s place. I was actually dating someone else at the time and so it was a really open conversation with no real agenda. I couldn’t tell you what we talked about, but I remember thinking as I drove home that night that this “young girl” (it’s OK – she thought I was “old”) was a person of substance.

I also mentioned Robyn Parker. I hired Robyn initially as a receptionist but it was a small company and her ability and other changes allowed her to assume the role of office manager. Most of those early years Robyn was a single mother. I remember the harrowing times as her youngest Justin struggled with an illness for a long time that no one could diagnose. I remember helping repair the door to her trailer home after her ex busted it down. I remember having pizza nights about once a week and watching some TV show I can’t begin to recollect with her and the kids. I remember her trying to pair me up with some friends, and so as a good friend, it made sense that Robyn was the first person I told when I finally asked that cute girl out – and then took her over to meet her, eat pizza and pay no attention whatsoever to that TV show!

Todd had known Joy and her family for years. Although married, he and Denise were regulars in the young adults group at church; after all it was about being young adults, not being single and looking for that to change. I had been in Denver a little over 2 ½ years and known Joy pretty much the whole time when I decided I would like to ask her out. After a regular Saturday morning men’s group meeting at Mark Reeds place I decided to broach the idea of asking Joy out with Todd. Todd and I have always valued that strong friendship allows you to speak forthrightly to one another, so I didn’t let it deter me one bit that he told me something to the effect that “Joy was way out of my league”. I mean at face value, he was probably right, but from my perspective, I didn’t have a lot to lose.

The idea of asking a beautiful lady out is easy, but turning into reality can be a little more challenging. Oddly, it was not so much a fear of rejection, but concern that it could change the nature of our friendship which I had come to enjoy and value. I think I must have started dialing her number at least a dozen times before mustering the courage to punch in the whole thing. After chatting for a while about nothing I found a way to throw in the invitation to go to Oktoberfest. Not your typical first date with a nice young lady from church, but I’m Australian; I enjoy beer and I don’t apologize for that.

Now would you guess something as simple as a few beers, a bratwurst and a stroll around Larimer Square would turn into a 12 hour marathon? I think it may be fair to assume we had the longest first date in history. It started with a birthday celebration for Joy’s niece Carrie. I don’t think I had met her brother Jeff before – probably necessary that I know he worked in a local county sheriff’s police force. As I knew half of Joy’s family (she is one of 8 kids) this was not to intimidating. Then we got to go downtown. Joy likes beer too – definitely a plus I figured. Followed this with dinner at 240 Union – then (and maybe still) an outstanding seafood restaurant. We wrapped up the evening late with coffee at a Perkins (its still “our Perkins”) restaurant – I think we must have talked for a couple of hours and the next day was a work day – but who cared. Between dinner and coffee there was one other event. If a family birthday was not likely to be a little overwhelming on your first date, try going to a Dionne Warwick concert (yes Dionne Warwick) with Joys mother AND her grandmother. Yes she was definitely worth it!

And as if September 20, 1992 wasn’t noteworthy enough based on it being our first date, it was also the first game in Brett Favre’s remarkable streak of games played in the NFL. It’s probably a special day for him too.

Part 2 - Making A New Home

From a work perspective, moving to Denver certainly was an amazing opportunity. From growing up on a farm outside a small town, I don’t think I would have ever imagined that at 25 I would be managing someone else’s business on the other side of the world. Rightly or wrongly, my dreams were never that big – and perhaps to my discredit, still are not. And an amazing opportunity it certainly was. I got to broaden my experience which at that time had mostly been confined to Australia with a few jaunts to Asia to working all over the United States, and in addition travelling and working in Canada, Mexico, Columbia and South Africa.

This is not to say it was all wine and roses. I was only 25, had little business experience, and in particular, no experience at least in a professional sense managing a team of people, all of whom other than the receptionist were older than myself. I made many mistakes, but found that group of people at Exploration Computer Services to be for the most part extremely forgiving. They were more than willing to offer advice (which certainly in some cases translates “told me what I was doing wrong”), but I think for the most part, I was willing to listen and over time we formed a solid team and friendships or at least familiar acquaintances which have lasted to this day.

It has been a real pleasure to be working again professionally with Lori who I know I rubbed the wrong way possibly most of all in the early days. I have also enjoyed getting back in touch and even the occasional get together since being back in Denver with office managers Robyn (Chapman) Parker and Tammy Joyce, and other engineers Kim Knerr, Dereck Prince and Bev Zabel. In time I may track down the others.

Shortly after arriving, I found a church to be a part of. Believers Christian Fellowship met close to my office at Colorado Christian University. The idea of a Christian university was certainly unfamiliar in my Australian experience, and although I probably expected there to be quite a lot of young people, there really wasn’t. None the less, it felt like the right place to be, the teaching was solid and so I settled in. One of the people I met early on turned out to manage an apartment complex just across the road from the university campus. Figuring that even if there were college students living there, being a Christian University it would not be like living near the university I went to, and the rent was affordable, I moved into my first apartment. Oh – I was somewhat wrong about the students thing – but on the whole they were OK! The world is so small now though as I have since connected with Pam (Eflin) Healy who was a neighbor from back then on FaceBook. I did become good friends though with a young couple Stu and Lori Sprecher who were about my age. Stu was later to be one of my groomsmen.

I travelled a lot with work. Seemed like for a while I was going to West Virginia every other week, Texas a lot of the weeks in-between, and then just to break up the monotony, a couple of weeks in South Africa. That trip was truly amazing. It was before Mandela was freed and the country came under majority rule. I felt safe enough although I guess there was a certain amount of tension. One of the things I have enjoyed travelling the world is worshipping in a strange country. At least this was in English, although there is something special about having little understanding of the words, yet full comprehension of the message they convey. Worship in any language is a universal language. With South Africa still under apartheid, there were no direct flights and while this seemed to me to be a petty and pointless gesture, especially given the racial problems in some parts of the US but it meant having to fly via London – so I took a week off and had a look around the UK. One of the fringe benefits of the job I guess.

While much of the travelling of course involved flying, I love to drive. As my wife will agree we got our male/female stereotypes crossed up there. Joy just likes to get there – me – I like the scenic routes. My first big road trip was from Denver to just south of Houston. I was part of a choir (that probably has a few of year shaking your heads) performing an Australian composed oratorio put on by friends Lee and Debbie Lemson who I connected with from prior church connections in Australia. One weekend (I think there were 4 performances over 2 weekends) I tacked it onto one of those many work trips to Texas – the other – well I just drove down. I got a speeding ticket just a few miles from Bay City – destination of that weekends concerts. I figured the policeman would be understanding – I had a lot to learn about how small US towns raise revenue. And I guess in hindsight, a young guy, driving a sports car registered 1,200 miles away, claiming to be in a hurry to get to a concert in rural Texas. Hadn’t really thought of it from that angle until just now – probably wouldn’t have believed me either…

About that time I also remember having a week in West Virginia, followed by a week in Texas. Steve Jacobs who was looking after my car back in Sydney (remember I was only going for 18 months – seriously) was in Philadelphia doing something with Honeywell. So instead of going home for the weekend, I went to Philly and had a great time catching up with Steve and checking out some American icons – Valley Forge and the Liberty Bell stand out. Luggage didn’t make it to Texas but you got to love 24/7 stores (unless you work for one maybe). Shopping for clothes and toiletries late on a rainy Sunday night in East Texas at a 24 hour drug store – just another part of the American experience.

Settling in at Believers was not hard. In the fall, this big guy Todd Lansing organized a softball team. I figured that wasn’t too different to cricket – how hard could it be so put my name down. I learned three things at least. 1: Playing 3rd base, you are not supposed to catch line drives with your bare hand – and certainly not twice off the same guy in the same game. I remember Jim Tisdall coming over from short stop and asking what exactly I said after the 2nd one – lucky it wasn’t a church league. 2. If they throw a poor wide pitch, you are not allowed to step toward it to pound it – at least not if it involves stepping on home plate – you’re OUT. Stupid rule. 3. There was this kind of cute girl with really long hair and just a little bit of competitive spirit – I remember her stamping her foot in disgust one time she got struck out. More on her later…

A week or two into softball season, I got stuck on a trip to West Virginia. I called Todd to let him know I couldn’t make it. I think that kind of made an impression – most people who for some reason or other were not going to turn up from just down the road didn’t bother to call. Seemed the right thing to do and I think was the start of a lifelong friendship. But fringe benefits strike again – figured no point going home the next morning – off to spend a weekend exploring Baltimore and Washington DC.

There were two more events that stick in my mind from that first year. Football season rolls around and Todd and his lovely wife Denise tended most Sundays to end up at her mom and dad’s place to watch the Broncos. Dennis and Marge Farmer are amazing folk – Dennis to me became a spiritual father / mentor over the next few years. I am sure in no small way he has been a big influence on the husband and father I strive to be. Anyway there must have been quite a bunch of us there one Sunday and I think we realized most of the younger adults were born in ’64. We jokingly decided we should form a club and do something which turned into a weekend retreat for any young adults from Believers at the YMCA Snow Mountain Ranch camp near Winter Park. Todd and I learned to ski that weekend. Good friends Frank Muehlbauer and Jim Tisdall patiently spent the day coaxing Todd and I down the slopes. I still love skiing – have never tried it anywhere but Colorado. Guess once you’ve tasted heaven, nothing else is ever the same.

The last was my first Christmas in the USA. This was not my first Christmas away from home, but it was certainly the furthest away I had been. Another road trip was in order to spend this special day at the home of Debbie Lemson’s folks in Drexel Missouri. This means driving across Kansas. I don’t know why I didn’t learn the first time – YOU DON”T NEED TO DO THIS MORE THAN ONCE! Good times.

to be continued…

Twenty Years On...

I was amused and challenged re-reading the blog of a young friend Adam Ludwig this past week. He said in the first of 3 posts in March last year:

“i feel as though there isn't much male influence in this world of blogging. i might find out why soon.”

As there are only 2 or 3 other male authored blogs I have followed (and I use the word “followed” loosely), and one of those has not been active since 2007, I am starting to think he might be onto something. So after my initial efforts, no doubt associated with being on vacation and having time on my hands, I am with this post at least breaking the 3 blog barrier. And while they probably won’t read this – Ron and Adam – you really should resume writing…

Anyway all of that has very little to do with the title and so having no doubt broken many of the rules of writing, I will get back to that.

This past week marked the 20th anniversary of my moving to Denver. In some ways that seems like a long time ago and although it probably sounds cliché, in some ways it seems like it was only yesterday. Mostly however, it seems a long time ago. When my boss at the time asked me in August of the previous year to think about the possibility of taking the assignment, to be honest I was not overly enthusiastic.

I know it must have seemed like the opportunity of a lifetime to a young man of 24. I don’t really know whether when asked what I thought about it my boss was surprised or pleased when I responded that I would give it some thought during my imminent month long visit to the Denver office. I always liked to assume he was pleased that if I was going to manage his business in Denver that I didn’t rush into things just because it might have sounded exciting, but that more than likely would be giving myself too much credit. The hesitation was real as I was firstly rather surprised by this last minute revelation just before my first trip to visit Denver, and as I mentioned above, it just was not something I had any desire or interest to do. It wasn’t that I had a negative opinion of the idea, I just had never thought of such a possibility. And besides, my life in Australia was just great at that point.

Probably a good thing I asked God what He thought and through the sermon at some out of the way church I stumbled upon (was led too is no doubt more accurate) at the end of that first visit to Denver, I felt clearly that I was to take the position if it was officially offered to me. And so with a handshake agreement, no real idea what I would be paid or any of the other normal considerations, except a commitment to stay in Denver at least 18 months, the adventure began.

Probably broke another rule of writing in not making clear at outset that this was going to be a series. That wasn’t my original intent, in fact in the original draft, I was excusing the 6 year spell of this past 20 years spent in Australia as I feared how long this might get. Those fears were well founded so this will be installment 1 of I really don’t know how many.

to be continued…

Don't Get Fooled Again

(or Who Are We Kidding – Really!)

On December 28, the President of the United States addressed the nation, his speech opening I quote below:

“Good morning, everybody. I wanted to take just a few minutes to update the American people on the ATTEMPTED terrorist attack that occurred on Christmas Day…” (emphasis added)

I’m confused. I mean before we even get to what terrorism is all about, let’s just stop and ask what took place? A man, now referred to as an “alleged suspect” (I’m sorry – the wordsmithing and double talk is killing me) was able to successfully breach security and board a plane carrying explosives which he later detonated. Fortunately for those on the flight and their loved ones, it was not quite the detonation the terrorist was most likely hoping for. Some may wish to debate the use of the word detonate. Fine. It doesn’t matter to the argument, but for the record, if people heard a noise that sounded like fireworks going off, that is a detonation in my book. And some major daily newspapers have referred to a detonation.

So why are we dancing around this subject with the word “attempted”? What part of detonating an explosive device on a flight allows us to think of this as an attempted terrorist attack? Other than the plane falling from the sky, which may or may not have been the intention of the attack (and I think we can probably assume that it was the intent) I think at the point of detonation we are well past “attempt”. This was a terrorist attack, planned and executed, end of story.

In my opinion, the news media and American government desperately want us to believe that this was an attempt – as though something within our control or our capability prevented it. An Associated Press headline "Attempt to blow up airliner foiled" (emphasis added) is perhaps the most laughable extreme I have seen. I suppose this sort of propaganda works because as much as the news media and the government want us to believe this, we probably want to believe it more. So we take the little placebo, tell ourselves that all is well, and life goes on.

But let us dig a little deeper. While the President did not in his speech use words like “failed” or “unsuccessful” in respect of the terrorist attack, but they have appeared in the press. This to me suggests and even poorer understanding of what just happened. Failed? Unsuccessful? Try telling that to the passengers on that flight and their families. Try telling that to the thousands of people whose travel plans were disrupted or the comfort during travel was severely marred. Try telling that to the airline industry that will no doubt suffer at least a temporary reduction in business. What part of terrorism do people not get?

Terrorism has a range of definitions but in simple terms terrorism is the threat or use of violence against people or property for the purpose of intimidation. Do we think for one moment that if the plane had crashed that other than a military strike (against whom would be quite a puzzle), would we have seen anything different in all the knee jerk reactions and new measures at airports and on flights. I liked the hands folded on laps the best and want to invest in new seat belt technology that senses the position of the hands. Such belts should probably not allow an people the freedom to unfasten them, and might also contain biometric sensors that show if someone has the right levels of anxiety and excitement that might indicate he (or she) is about to attempt a terrorist act. Ridiculous – well of course it’s ridiculous – it might be funny if it wasn’t so serious.

So I contend that this was not just a terrorist attack, but a successful act of terrorism. The only person who didn’t get everything he was hoping for (from the perspective of the terrorist organization) was the terrorist who instead of being in paradise and enjoying all the pleasures that go with it, is probably in serious pain due to burns in his groin region and languishing in a US jail. Well maybe not languishing – he probably has better cable service than I do. I just hope his health care is no better than what I might need to get used to – but that’s another subject. Oh well the goals of the organization which is after all more important than that of the individual were well and truly met.

But just in case you are starting to doubt that everything is under control, you should be further calmed by watching the speech. You will notice that the President to further reinforce the low key nature of the whole event is wearing an open necked shirt. Hopefully this didn’t distract him too much from his vacation.

Closing thoughts – I don’t think I can sum it up any better than these classic lyrics from The Who…

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again
No, no!

Girls in the House

A good friend of mine, my best man in fact once offered me sage advice along the lines of “Peter you have to trust me on this, but it will be well worth your while to watch a chick flick with Joy from time to time”. I won’t bother explaining why he said that – you can figure it out for yourself. It would be fair to say however I have heeded his advice and would have to say that it was good.

Many years later I have not just Joy, but three women in the house. So more often that I would choose, and with titles I would not give a second thought, I find myself watching a chick flick. Last night, it was “Julie and Julia”. Jilly received the DVD for Christmas and was keen to watch it. I think I was given a pass, which was tempting, but the idea of putting my feet up in front of the fire with my girls was appealing enough to overcome my other misgivings.

Turns out it was an OK movie – really – I’m not just saying that in case Joy should read this. The girls of course loved it. Mallory possibly driven by some sort of sensory trigger was instantly hungry and started looking through cook books before the movie was even over (I think she may have already seen it). While there was some interest in the possibility of boning a duck (firmly vetoed by Joy), the crowd favorite was boeuf bourguignon – which I must say did look good and if I hadn’t eaten too much at Sweet Tomatoes (salad and soup buffet) in a getaway date with Joy just prior to watching the movie, may have had me salivating also.

So with girls in the house, one thing inevitably leads to another. Recipes have been tracked down (afraid we don’t have the Julia Child cookbook), plans have been made, and tomorrow, boeuf bourguignon it will be.

I love my girls. Food and time spent together over a meal are valued in our house. The reality of having teenagers (more or less) is that our life including evenings gets very busy, but we usually manage to have some family meals every week. Even the girls seem to miss family dinners if there is an extended spell without one. We are so blessed that Joy loves to cook and constantly manages to not only take care of all the other never ending household chores, yet still plans out and prepares interesting meals. Sure there are some family favorites that will appear with reasonable regularity, but Joy’s creativity means monotony is not something we need to fear at the dining table. I love it that the girls enjoy working in the kitchen with her. Possibly Jilly enjoys it more, but it is not uncommon for either of them to want to cook something. I am sure they will enjoy the preparing of this special meal tomorrow almost as much as I am sure I will enjoy eating it.

Bon appétit

PS. If it looks spectacular, perhaps I will explore how photos can be added to a blog post.